Holy Paris. What a way to say au revoir to all of the fall fashion weeks.
People went the craziest in Paris. There were pasties and pastries. Croque madames and models going HAM. The Champs-Elysee and street style D’orsays. Escargot and tower innuendo.
It’s been fun introducing my inner fashion persona, Larry in Burberry, these last four weeks and looking at all of this seasons trends from a more common, wearer-of-clothes perspective. Young Larry studied French for four years in high school and can only now remember how to ask to go the bathroom (Je peux aller au toillete?), so it’s safe it say I learned a lot at #PFW. Without further adieu, the final recap of the fall fashion show season.
Chanel held a rocket launch
Change your company’s name to SpaceEx Elon Musk, because Chanel is in charge of making our rockets now. The rocket, glittery boots, space accessories “spacesuit necklines” and futuristic sunglasses created more Buzz than Aldrin on Instagram, and Chanel head designer Karl Lagerfeld once again took one giant leap for fashion-kind.
Nicki Minaj dropped the boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom bass
Nicki Menage a trois straight up Eiffel-towered Paris Fashion Week. Shoutout Agent Provocateur. #NickiinPARIS
The ladies she sat next to at Haider Ackermann looked like they were going to book club to discuss 50 Shades Darker and the guy behind her is doing the fake-squint-to-seem-like-I’m- focusing-on-something-else-but-my-Anaconda-do-want-some thing. Just glorious. Deciding what to wear to Paris Fashion Week has to be a serious mind pretzel, and Nicki baked that pretzel like a Bavarian grandmother and dipped it in the finest Wisconsin cheese.
Beez in da trap. Beez, beez in da trap.
STREET STYLE assassins
While the woman above looks fab, no way I’m getting near someone with “see u later” on her bag. Not after the half brother of Kim Jong-un was assassinated with the nerve agent VX in an airport by a woman wearing with LOL on her sweatshirt. If the phrase you’re wearing could be the thoughts of an assassin before she stabs you in the neck with a chemical weapon of mass destruction, count me out. Safety first.
Men’s bralettes are a thing
While it looks ridiculous, I can see this trend catching on. Everyone has a guy friend who likes to wear vests.
Top models went to a strip club
Bella and Gigi Hadid, Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin led a model squad to a strip club after the H&M show. Dick move by the models. Real Mean Girls stuff here. Let’s go to a strip club and completely overshadow the working women just trying to pay their way through medical school. Rub it in their face that they just walked in H&M at #PFW when that’s the only store the strippers afford to shop at.
I get it, they don’t want to be bothered by creepers or need to blow off some steam because their boyfriend The Weeknd (The. Worst.) just performed at the same show they walked in again. But do it somewhere else.
A lot of questions came into Larry’s mind about this night. Did Kendall still get a lap dance even though she told A$AP Rocky she doesn’t like strip clubs and feels bad for the strippers because she knows they had a rough childhood? Who overdrew at the ATM because they fell in love? Is fashion really just about wearing clothes to find someone special to take them off for?
Rihanna’s third Fenty X Puma show
Rihanna took over a library and had the models strut their svelte selves on top of the tables. It made me want to read instead of just telling people the last books I’ve read are Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Gone Girl and Girl on the Train because they were all movies and then I can say I read the books and they were way better than the movie when really I have no idea because I didn’t actually read them. Anyway, Rihanna is an inspiration.
Back in the day, Gorilla Zoe didn’t believe he could be Rachel Zoe. Today, anything’s possible. Musicians are crushing the fashion game. That’s a beautiful thing that allows me, a semi-young Larry in Burberry, to dream. To dream about everything except wearing a beret that looks this good.
Glitter boots shined brightest
I generally don’t like the hot boot of the day (Uggs = Ugh, Frye = Bye), but these I love.
The Louis Vuitton show was at the Louvre
What a scene. What artistic juxtaposition. Showing off the finest clothes in a museum where most of the sculpture subjects are naked.
Anyway, here’s K-pop heart-throb Sehun arriving. I include this solely to give props to the duck umbrella. So much spectator swag.
I’ve been to the Louvre. This was my favorite painting. It proves the Whip and Nae Nae has been around for thousands of years.
When Larry went to the Louvre, I dressed similarly to the fashion week attendees.
And… fun fact: Vintage Louis Vuitton bags are the perfect size for carrying beef sticks back from the farmer’s market. Fashion meets function. Shoutout out Ms. Larry.
Nike made some interesting cameos
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Here’s what Dhani Mua said in her review for Fashionista about the leggings.
“Front-row editors were unable to hide the confusion from their faces.
Initially, we thought it might be some sort of surprise collaboration announcement à la Alexander Wang x Adidas, but we’re told Valli simply wanted to include leggings in the collection, and “no one does it better than Nike.” It was meant to illustrate a Parisian woman throwing on a great jacket and stiletto boots after her workout, like a more elevated version of the bomber jacket-legging combo you might see on an off-duty Hadid. In fact, he went so far as to suggest it could be today’s version of the little black dress, according to a statement from the brand.
Yes, it was a cool modern touch, but it was also jarring. Designers far and wide have caught the athleisure bug over the years, but we thought Valli would likely be immune.”
Leggings are not today’s version of the LBD. You wear leggings enough, ladies. LBD’s are for special, sophisticated occasions. And why the hell would you wear a great jacket and stiletto boots after working out? They would smell terrible. Ew all around.
And I don’t even know what to say about the dust balls from Whoville wearing Nikes. It just made me laugh.
Balenciaga showed us the car fax
More like car fox. Rawr. Balengiaga’s Demna Gvasalia always does crazy stunts, but these car-inspired pieces really got Larry’s engine revved up. The show was a perfect example of showing instead of telling. Instead of telling me the future is female, Demna showed me women are the vehicles that will drive this world forward.
My two tiny complaints were I didn’t like the side view mirrors because there should be no looking back once you decide what to wear, and I wish they would have worked in R. Kelly’s You Remind Me of My Jeep:
I just can’t think of what it is
Something like my sound, I want to pump it
Girl you look just like my cars, I want to wax it
And something like my bank account
I want to spend it…”
Speaking of songs, we’ll close this week with one last tip of the beret to Chanel and go out with the song they ended their 2017 #PFW show with, Rocket Man.
Read about all of this season’s trends from around the world: