Chicken parmmm, you taste sooo good. Peyton Manning’s Nationwide ad that’s been harmonizing beautifully along with the Broncos journey to the Super Bowl makes me happy. And hungry. It also made me realize, “Whoa, Peyton Manning is a chicken parm sandwich.” Let’s be like the small intestine and break this down.
Peyton has been incredibly delicious for a long time (five-time MVP, all-time leader in passing yards, etc. etc.) He’s easily in the conversation of the greatest quarterbacks ever, but clearly not the best QB of all time. Similarly, the Chicken parm sandwich is easily in the top 10 generic specialty sandwiches I’ve ever eaten (on the list with the Philly cheesesteak, the buffalo chicken*, the muffaletta, the shrimp po boy, the reuben, the croque madame, and a few others I forgot because now I’m starving), but clearly not my taste buds’ BFF.
*Brett Favre is a buffalo chicken sandwich. Great, but everything can go horribly wrong at any moment with an ill-timed interception, aka bite of celery. Damn, QB’s as sandwiches is fun.
What’s the key to a tasty and crisp chicken parm sandwich? Preparation. If the breast is soggy or the oven not properly pre-heated, the foundation of the sandwich is ruined. Peyton wears his helmet to listen to plays while watching film and treating his ankle, re-watches every throw from the previous year in the offseason, watches recorded Sunday Night Football broadcasts to see if Tony Dungy gave away any of his signals, etc. etc. Preparation legend.
The Manning family heritage also helped set Peyton and Eli up for greatness (Eli’s a grilled cheese by the way. Can be awesome if paired with a well coached tomato soup aka defense). Peyton’s father Archie no doubt handed down the recipe for success in the NFL, similar to how an Italian grandmother might hand down the recipe for her famous marinara sauce (that perfectly tops off a chicken parm sandwich).
Despite Manning’s spectacular career achievements, his mediocre playoff performance has often plagued him.
The chicken parm faces similar difficulties. It’s unbelievably tasty, but can get a little messy sometimes. It’s also a little heavy and immobile in the pocket, and although it has incredible individual ingredients worthy of a #1 draft selection in any given year (fried chicken, mozzarella cheese and marinara sauce), it sometimes leaves you slightly unsatisfied when it matters most.
Put another way, a chicken parm is great for a weekly cheat day or night out at Sappori Trattoria with the family, but if you were on death row and had to choose your last meal, it would more likely be a steak (aka Tom Brady) than a chicken parm.
(Al Jazeera America would also like to point out that these days, some chickens –and/or their chicken wives- are injected with hormones to make them more meaty…)
That’s all a little unfair, though. Let’s not dwell on the tiny negatives. There’s so much to love about a chicken parm sandwich. How much joy has Peyton given us on and off the field during his time in the NFL? Do you see how excited Peyton is to bite into that chicken parm?! That’s how excited we all should be to say we got to watch him play.
Win or lose in the Super Bowl, there will be a lot of analysis of Peyton Manning’s career over the next month, but the best way to summarize everything might simply be:
Chicken parmmm, you taste sooo good.